Birthday Parties – Your time to shine (not your child’s)

Your daughter’s birthday.  It’s that once-a-year occasion where nothing matters more to you than little Olivia’s happiness.  

Well.. almost nothing. It is of course secondary to your own mission to host the Event of the Year™ which will put all of her classmates parents’ party attempts to shame and put you ahead in the annual contest to prove who is the ‘Best Parent in the Class’.

Portrait of mother and celebrating baby in background

You will want to achieve the most perfect event with the best food and entertainment, yielding the most children’s smiles and their exclamations that “This is the best party!” which in turn leads to the most pained expressions on the faces of their parents.

In seeking to attain this ultimate success, attention to detail is everything.  Here are our Top 10 Tips that will make you (not your child) the centre of attention:

  1. Your food must be from a premier catering company.  Bulk Party Snacks from ‘Super Market’ are not for you. 
  2. You may self-cater for extra brownie points, but only if you are a professional and confident in your own culinary expertise.  If you are, then you will witness other parents weep at their inability to compete (kudos!).
  3. The food should ideally be both organic and high in natural sugars (to please both parents and children alike).
  4. Party hats should be tailored personally to the taste of every child.  Before the party you must identify each child’s hat size, favourite colour, animal or shape so that you can create perfectly bespoke designs for everyone.
  5. The entertainer must be well-known Television or Theatrical stars.  Do not hire ‘Grabbo the Clown’as you don’t want a repeat of the party thrown by the Johnsons for their daughter Emilia.
  6. A quality photographic record of the Event of the Year™ is essential, so you should find the best professional Videographer available.
  7. Party games should be on-trend so use only globally successful tracks with 100m+ hits on youtube for the backing music.
  8. When it comes to the cake – make sure that Olivia practices blowing out the candles to avoid any embarrassing failure that would reflect badly on you and make sure you are centre stage for photographs of the big moment.
  9. For ultimate prestige, each guest’s party bag to take home should be more expensive than the gifts that they brought for your child.
  10. Finally, in the days and weeks following the party be sure to remind the other parents that their child said it was “the most fun they ever had” and circulate videos or photos of every perfect detail to re-enforce your supreme success.

Now you know what to do.  Remember it’s your time to shine!


List compiled by Ike Flaymore (inspired by his competitive cousin Melanie)

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