Competitive Staycations

If you want a change from competitive Summer holidays in Dubai (or competitive Winter skiing holidays in Morzine), remember that you can achieve a completely different type of competitive holiday through a ‘staycation’ right here in the UK.

When you think of UK holidays, nowhere offers more quality experiences and opportunities to compete than Cornwall. Competitive holidays require attitude so make sure you bring yours with you. Here are some tips for the perfect Competitive Cornish Staycation.

  1. Occupy everywhere you visit and own your space. Your large family (Competitive Husband / Wife / Life Partner and children – Joshua, Benedict, Olivia, Aloysius and little Panacotta) give you a great head start to invade any public space.
  2. In cafés gather together as many tables as you can. You should control at least twice as many seats as you really need to ensure you have enough room to spread out and become the centre of attention for the waiting staff.
  3. Allow your brood to run riot. Remember that you’re on holiday, so other people can concern themselves with looking after your children instead.
  4. Activities must be competitive. When you go rock-pooling at Gyllyngvase beach, leave nothing to chance. Make sure you identify and then occupy the best rock pools before anyone else can get a look-in and suck those sea creatures out of every nook and shell.
  5. Active water sports or cycling holidays are vital to enhance your competitive spirit.   
  6. Meals should always be at ‘destination restaurants’ owned by a Celebrity Chef. Even if your children want an ice cream after a day at the beach, that frozen treat should be purchased from a high quality beach-side restaurant, formed in perfect dome shapes and served exquisitely in the centre of an over-sized square bowl, not pumped from a van-based dispenser into a cheap cone. 
  7. Take Surrey with you wherever you go. You’re in the country and you didn’t buy that Overlord 4×4 just for show did you?!  Oh! You did!!  Well now that you have one, why not put it to good use on the narrow country roads of Britain.
  • Your Overlord will fill those narrow country roads perfectly. 
  • Relish the enjoyment as you force small car drivers to angle their vehicles sideways along stone walls and hedges bordering the roads to get around you.
  • Narrow-spaced car parks at popular village destinations like St Ives and Clovelly are perfect for you to occupy two spaces rather than adhere to the traditional and frankly, laughable rule of one-space-per-car.

Following your Competitive Cornish Staycation you must brag to your friends and neighbours for the at least 6 months about how great your holiday was and how you “practically invented the perfect Cornish holiday”.


This article was sponsored by Competitive Surrey Travel Experts: ‘Own Cornwall’

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