Earlier this month we surveyed Furst Ditton residents, to find out what you like and dislike about life within our village. Here is what you said:
- 52% of residents want wider pavements on Helton Lane so that you can push your Pramzilla Behemoths more easily on your way to Café Culture.
- 74% of you love the ‘essential’ village shops which we have right here in Furst Ditton including:
- Bathroom Design Retailers
- Home Interior Decorating and Designer Stores
- Spa and Treatment Centres
- and of course the ever-popular Cycling and Sportswear Shops.
- 41% of you a wider choice of private tutors for your children. Mrs. Hoskins in Candrill Gardens is the only tutor in the village and with every single parent sending their child to her for extra tuition, no child is getting any competitive advantage over their classmates (which is of course the primary reason for extra tuition).
37% of you want the roads widened and more car parks with bigger spaces so that you can park your Overlord 4×4 more easily.
- 68% think that there should be more cycle routes through the village.
- 82% want the planning laws relaxed further so that you can turn your 2 storey cottages into 6 storey mansions, with basement gymnasium and swimming pool.
- 21% of you think that older people in the village should “get over themselves” and understand that the ‘quiet peaceful village’ which they remember from the 1970s has long gone.
- The same 21% of those surveyed who responded to the previous question above, also think that there should be more retirement homes just outside the village with once-a-day bus collection (returning the next day).
- 1% of you think that people should be more considerate of others. We think that this is a statistical anomaly and have rounded this down to 0%.
- 100% of those surveyed identified well with the lifestyle portrayed in Competitive Surrey.
Survey conducted by Will Caterham (Student Intern)
[Publisher’s note: peer-pressure and marketing-induced trends amongst ‘Competitives’ to choose cars and prams which are impractically wider than the Surrey roads and pavements where they live and to supersize their homes so that every house appears to be on steroids and almost overhangs the next house. It seems to create more problems rather than improve life].