Kyle Karmer Estate Agents – Working hard for you.

At Kyle Karmer Estate Agents we work hard for profit for you. 

Visit our Customer Destination Centre (office) and you will see us on the phone for literally 3 hours a day.

As we are often busy you may need to present your property to prospective buyers on our behalf (especially if your property is not worth much). We are sure you understand this. We are always there for you (did we say that?).

We specialise in helping everyone sell or find their ideal property, especially if they are: Footballers, Tennis players, Golfers or other sports stars, TV Presenters, Pop Stars, Celebrities (miscellaneous), Media Moguls, CEOs and Entrepreneurs.

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Kyle Karmer – Professionally busy

Quite honestly, we are there to help anyone with lots of money and a big house.

With our ‘Celebrity Service’ we guarantee to:

  • Fawn all over you until you commission us.
  • Convince you that your house / apartment is ‘the best we’ve ever seen’ and will sell for £10m.
  • Promote your property in glossy lifestyle magazines (like this one) and totally at your expense.
  • Claim that your house is within 1/2 mile of ‘The Best School in Surrey’.
  • Take full responsibility for viewings (£500 charge per attendance will be added to the final sales fee).

Our ‘Nobodies Service’ (for the un-celebrated and less affluent) offers to:

  • Provide ultra-low valuations so that we can sell your property more easily.
  • Feed the fear of potential buyers (first time or early chain buyers are most suggestable), whipping them into a panic and knee-jerk bidding frenzy.  That way we maximise our fee the sale price.
  • Ensure total client responsibility for viewings.
  • Apply an innovative fee structure with our up-front Agent Signature Charge being a very reasonable 10% of the value of your home and an additional 19.99% charge on completion of contract (29.99% total fee). Late payment attracts additional charges equivalent to 1742% p.a.

We are worth every penny £K.

Kyle Karmer – Cranton Green’s Premier Estate Agent.